Choice

My heart is like being torn into two: my love for my family, and the love that i feel for someone...

Can't someone be too happy, that, if their happiness were already overfowing, something bad will happen to thwart it?

It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. Duty to family? or duty to my heart?

I hate sounding melodramatic, but heck, i just don't know what to do sometimes.

I try to be what they want me to be, what they think is right for me to be, what I think is right for me to be. Easier said than done, when you have an emotional tug-o-war inside your head.

Ugh. I'm just so tired.

days of deprivation..

I'm confused..

It's like two sides are warring inside me.. and I can't choose one..

It's a bit cliche, you know, like between choosing what is dictated to be right, and what it is that makes you happy..

Imagine your self as a little child, and youu see a candy jar. You know that you should not touch it, yet it is so tempting that it will be worth all the sermons and punishments you will receive..

It's like loving the wrong thing..

It's like half your heart's being taken away, and you are powerless to stop it..

It's like a vast land being deprived of water.. of forests deprived of rain.. of humans deprived of air.. of souls deprived of love..

I can't think of any solution except to go on with my duties, and pray that someday, i will be able to tie loose ends together..