The Admirer's Retort

How unfortunate that you can never love me back,
So now I'm alone in this grim world again;
But I believe it's your loss, not mine,
when you spited my heart, so freely given.

You speak of the angels and seraphs you adore,
But don't you know there's none who could've loved you more?
Than this earthly woman who'd give her world away,
Just to hear your thoughts each and every day..

A shame, really, why little Cupid chose,
Some other mortal woman for you to behold;
Alas, it's not me, but what am i to do?
I've already fallen madly for you..

Undaunted

When can we say its right to love?
Who to love and how to love?
What measurement is used to say,
If one should go and one should stay?

Falling in love and getting hurt
Is never seen without the other
In order for you to know happiness
You must also know the pains that you’ll suffer..

The road is not always smooth and silky,
It’s filled with those bumps enough to make you crazy.
But you’ll never know good if you haven’t known bad
You’ll never know happy if you haven’t been sad.

So if you find yourself in the midst of sorrow,
Be happy, cause there’ll be something good tomorrow.
If the one you love walks away from you today,
Be content and know one day, to you he’ll surely find his way..

Heaven can wait

I dreamed of love that never dies,
Of love that needs the truth, not lies.
A love so strong it binds the air,
A love that's brave as well as it's fair.

I dreamed of hope, of hope divine,
Of places that brim with mirth, food and wine,
Where poverty touches nothing but dust,
And everything's ruled by One who is just.

I dreamed of peace of mind and heart.
Of nations no faith nor war will ever part
Where people roam with no fear in mind,
And happiness is for everyone to seek and find.

I've dreamed of heaven, a few times before,
And i always wanted to run back for more,
Yet when i wake, and found you here,
I thought heaven can wait, as long as you're near...

Masks..?

Is it even right to feel this way..?

I was born in this life. I'm not complaining about where I am right now, or how we are supposed to live our lives as dictated by the church and my parents... We all have our time of doubts every now and then, and sometimes, the mask that you wear to keep everyone out breaks a bit..

I think i may be liking someone too much, much more than what was deemed appropriate by the surroundings i live in..

I know I'm too young and, being a pastor's kid, i should be the one setting an example for the other kids to follow.. but even the strongest can falter and fail.. and sometimes, being strong is quite tiring..

Sometimes i wish that i can be like any ordinary kid, not pressured enough to meet the expectations of everyone he knows.. not trying too hard to please everyone..

In books, they told me that being an adolescent is not easy.. I didn't knw how hard it is until im already here.

Marcus and ELizabeth

Once upon a time, there lived a mighty King Lion who ruled his dominion with justice and with kindness. One day, his wife the Queen gave birth to a baby daughter. They named her Elizabeth.

Elizabeth grew to be a fine, young Lioness. She is considered a great beauty in the whole forest, and many animals admired her. One particular animal, a blue fox named Marcus, fell in love with her upon seeing her hunt. He approached the young Lioness and, with a polite manner, he introduced himself.

Elizabeth was dumbfounded when she saw the majestic creature who politely came to her to talk. She cannot help but admire the other’s finess and grace when he talks and walks. After a few days they became friends and, finally she agreed when the fox told her that he would like to meet her father.

Elizabeth took her place beside her mother when they entered her father’s court. Marcus calmly entered the presence of the King, with no sign of apprehension on his face whatsoever.
Once they were done with the introductions and the salutations, the fox boldly asked for the lovely Elizabeth’s hand in marriage. The King was shocked, but none was more surprised than Elizabeth herself was. This creature wanted her for a wife?

The King, who loves his daughter so much, dissented to this without batting an eyelash. Elizabeth tried to protest, but the King held his ground. He cannot bear to let his daughter be away from him. He ordered the fox to go away, and never come back. The fox sadly went away, but not without looking at his love for the last time.

Sad because of the unfortunate event, Marcus climbed the highest cliff and decided to end his life, but Elizabeth had stopped her in time. She told him that they could run away. When they were about to run, her father’s soldiers surrounded them, and they had no wait out. They knew that if they pursued their plan, they will surely die. Painfully, in the hands of these soldiers, and separately. However, if they jumped off the cliff right now…

They looked at each other for the last time and were about to take the last step together, when the King came running to stop them. He now realized that he was mistaken to forbid Elizabeth to marry when she is clearly old enough to know what’s best for her. And so, the two were married, and they lived happily… oh, you know it already. :)

Tearing my hair out of Frustration

Last week, i was so frustrated with myself, i literally smacked a hardbound copy of "Breaking Dawn" on my cheek. hard. twice. still hurts till now.

Why can't i learn to play the keyboard as well as my brother? or even just the guitar?

Why can't i sing like Hayley Williams?

Why can't i draw like my friend does?

(These questions really come when you're lying on your bed, while thinking of everything and everyone you know at the same time.)

So, all these Why's gathered to form a massive ball of negative energy inside me, and i had no way out. For me, being good isn't enough, it has to be great! It always has to be something that spells W-O-W. If it doesn't, i start from scratch and i do it and do it and do it until i can get it right.

Which is why i feel so disappointed with myself last week. Cause in everything i try to do, I can never be great. I still cannot set the keyboard ablaze (in fact, im nearing the point where i realy want to set fire to it.), i still cannot sing like Hayley Williams, and i draw stuffs here and there, but still not as good as friend's drawings.

But then again, I realized...

Why are people so unhappy nowadays? mainly, because they cannot be content with what they have, with what they are. With who I am.

I realized that, I may not be as good as my brother in playing the piano, but i have a gift for language. (Or so i think.)

I may not be as good as Hayley, but heck, singing's not about competition, singing's about being able to express yoursef through the songs you sing!

and I still cannot draw. period. though my godfather is kind enough to offer to teach me... :)

Contentment. That was what I don't have a week ago. I have to admit that i still haven't perfected this particular art yet, but im on my way to being as close to perfecting it as possible.
You have to look at what you have, not on what you don't have, cause if you don't, pretty soon you'll end up smacking yourself with a hardbound book like me.
And of course, you just really can't have it all, for if you do, you will die. Ony God is allowed to be the perfect being, and i could not agree more. :)

A Fable (Part 2)

While she stood there inhaling the sweet serenity that permeates the air, she cannot help singing, for her heart was feeling so lugubrious. She sang, as if her soul was in the very notes of the song. The other creatures woke up out of their slumber just to listen to her; such was the beauty of her voice. Alas, she finished, and everything was quiet again.

Except for the splashing that she heard near the water. She looked down, and, oh the joy! It was the fish! Her fish!

The bird was overjoyed to see the fish again, and so was he, so they talked about their lives excitingly. It was only later in their conversation dis she found out that he, like her, is unmarried. An awkward pause followed, for they knew the answer why both of them decided to be so.

At last, the fish said:

"I am old. Soon, i'm going to die, either by age or be caught by a fishermen. I can marry another fish, have kids, and be content that i have heirs, but i won't, knowing that somewhere deep down in my heart, something will always be missing,cause God knows the only place where i truly belong is by your side. I would rather live one minute beside you, than a thousand lifetimes beside someone else. If i can hold you in my arms even just for a jiffy, then i would gladly embrace death, and be content wherever i will go, for heaven will not be heaven without you, and hell as i know it woud be when you are not around."

The bird could only shed a tear at this. Why have i been so weak? Why... did i let him go?

Yes. because she thought he'd be happier without her. How wrong was she.

A Fable (Part 1)

Once, there was a bird who lived on top of the tallest tree beside the lake. She sings delightful songs, and everyone is fond of her. Everyday, a fish comes near the shore to listen to her sing, and eventually, he fell in love. He told her so one day. At first the bird was reluctant to requite the love of the handsome young fish, but gradually, she fell in love with him also.

Everyday, they talk to each other: the bird on the shore, and the fish swimming along the banks. They went on like this, never holding, never touching, but their love is so strong they were contented with the way they were.

It came to pass that they cannot help asking each other the most important question, but which they were trying to put at the back of their minds: How are they going to live together?

Hesistantly, the bird said that the inevitable has happened, and that they should part ways, thinking that the fish would be happier with someone else. The fish, with a heavy heart, agreed. They said their goodbyes, and never saw each other again.

After a few years, the bird became old, but she still sings delightful songs, though they had taken a melancholic quality that had never been there before. She moved from the tallest tree beside the lake to the biggest tree in the center of the forest, where most birds live. She tried to find a mate, but her heart had already been given away, so she decided to stay unmarried.

One lonely night, while the owls hoot and the sparrows sleep, the bird was restless and unable to sleep. So she thought, "what the heck?", puts n her shawl, and flew back to her old home.


-to be continued-

Pondering about nonsensical stuff..

There’s this something at the back of my mind that i can’t stop thinking about. It’s like you can’t believe it’s really happening, or afraid to believe it’s happening, but you want it to happen anyway. It's simply too good to be true, and you're scared to believe it, thinking someone might sntach the rug from under you anytime. But, oh , how you would love to fall for it.

Did you get my point? Of course naught, silly me. It’s like this. Do you know the story of the Ugly duckling? I hope you do.

The protagonist is, well, ugly, and has been called that since he was born. Imagine what he must have felt when he was suddenly told that he was an ugly duckling no more, but a swan, a beautiful, graceful swan, and that everybody adores him now.

Imagine what he must have thought. This is purely theoretical(and hypothetical), but he must have been afraid. Afraid to…what?

...Maybe afraid to hope that he must have really turned into a thing he can only dream of?
...Maybe scared to look at his reflection in the water for fear that he will not see the swan he was promised to look alike?
...Or maybe frightened by the idea that really wanted to believe what they were saying?

Hahaha I’m being silly. Of course you really can’t understand what i’m saying unless, like me, you’ve been told from the beginning that you’re an Ugly Duckling.

It’s impossible to put how i feel or to put the whole idea into words. It’d take a very skillful writer or a very talented poet to express this emotion, and i assure you, I’m neither of the two. :)