Masks..?

Is it even right to feel this way..?

I was born in this life. I'm not complaining about where I am right now, or how we are supposed to live our lives as dictated by the church and my parents... We all have our time of doubts every now and then, and sometimes, the mask that you wear to keep everyone out breaks a bit..

I think i may be liking someone too much, much more than what was deemed appropriate by the surroundings i live in..

I know I'm too young and, being a pastor's kid, i should be the one setting an example for the other kids to follow.. but even the strongest can falter and fail.. and sometimes, being strong is quite tiring..

Sometimes i wish that i can be like any ordinary kid, not pressured enough to meet the expectations of everyone he knows.. not trying too hard to please everyone..

In books, they told me that being an adolescent is not easy.. I didn't knw how hard it is until im already here.

Marcus and ELizabeth

Once upon a time, there lived a mighty King Lion who ruled his dominion with justice and with kindness. One day, his wife the Queen gave birth to a baby daughter. They named her Elizabeth.

Elizabeth grew to be a fine, young Lioness. She is considered a great beauty in the whole forest, and many animals admired her. One particular animal, a blue fox named Marcus, fell in love with her upon seeing her hunt. He approached the young Lioness and, with a polite manner, he introduced himself.

Elizabeth was dumbfounded when she saw the majestic creature who politely came to her to talk. She cannot help but admire the other’s finess and grace when he talks and walks. After a few days they became friends and, finally she agreed when the fox told her that he would like to meet her father.

Elizabeth took her place beside her mother when they entered her father’s court. Marcus calmly entered the presence of the King, with no sign of apprehension on his face whatsoever.
Once they were done with the introductions and the salutations, the fox boldly asked for the lovely Elizabeth’s hand in marriage. The King was shocked, but none was more surprised than Elizabeth herself was. This creature wanted her for a wife?

The King, who loves his daughter so much, dissented to this without batting an eyelash. Elizabeth tried to protest, but the King held his ground. He cannot bear to let his daughter be away from him. He ordered the fox to go away, and never come back. The fox sadly went away, but not without looking at his love for the last time.

Sad because of the unfortunate event, Marcus climbed the highest cliff and decided to end his life, but Elizabeth had stopped her in time. She told him that they could run away. When they were about to run, her father’s soldiers surrounded them, and they had no wait out. They knew that if they pursued their plan, they will surely die. Painfully, in the hands of these soldiers, and separately. However, if they jumped off the cliff right now…

They looked at each other for the last time and were about to take the last step together, when the King came running to stop them. He now realized that he was mistaken to forbid Elizabeth to marry when she is clearly old enough to know what’s best for her. And so, the two were married, and they lived happily… oh, you know it already. :)

Tearing my hair out of Frustration

Last week, i was so frustrated with myself, i literally smacked a hardbound copy of "Breaking Dawn" on my cheek. hard. twice. still hurts till now.

Why can't i learn to play the keyboard as well as my brother? or even just the guitar?

Why can't i sing like Hayley Williams?

Why can't i draw like my friend does?

(These questions really come when you're lying on your bed, while thinking of everything and everyone you know at the same time.)

So, all these Why's gathered to form a massive ball of negative energy inside me, and i had no way out. For me, being good isn't enough, it has to be great! It always has to be something that spells W-O-W. If it doesn't, i start from scratch and i do it and do it and do it until i can get it right.

Which is why i feel so disappointed with myself last week. Cause in everything i try to do, I can never be great. I still cannot set the keyboard ablaze (in fact, im nearing the point where i realy want to set fire to it.), i still cannot sing like Hayley Williams, and i draw stuffs here and there, but still not as good as friend's drawings.

But then again, I realized...

Why are people so unhappy nowadays? mainly, because they cannot be content with what they have, with what they are. With who I am.

I realized that, I may not be as good as my brother in playing the piano, but i have a gift for language. (Or so i think.)

I may not be as good as Hayley, but heck, singing's not about competition, singing's about being able to express yoursef through the songs you sing!

and I still cannot draw. period. though my godfather is kind enough to offer to teach me... :)

Contentment. That was what I don't have a week ago. I have to admit that i still haven't perfected this particular art yet, but im on my way to being as close to perfecting it as possible.
You have to look at what you have, not on what you don't have, cause if you don't, pretty soon you'll end up smacking yourself with a hardbound book like me.
And of course, you just really can't have it all, for if you do, you will die. Ony God is allowed to be the perfect being, and i could not agree more. :)